I'm completely enthralled.. charmed.. mesmerized.. hypnotized and spellbound

I've never been enthralled with a guy ever before.. until last night. yes. I've been in love.. and when I do.. i give it my best shot.. I give everything from the very last drop of my sweat.. i would give anything. For so long I have been questioning myself are they worthy.? I break up with my beau just for the thrill's sake... and the emo effect.. and I love seeing their reactions... Last night I was seriously leaving the guy that I love because of a simple reason; I no longer feel important and I'm too scared to fall so hard and when he decides to leave me.. I would be utterly devastated.. and I do not want that to happen... Indeed it has been a part of my personality in sometimes showing my beau's how much I love them though sometimes I don't.... sometimes I tell them I can't leave without them.. although I can... I pretend I have loved them all too much.. yes i love them I did love them... but not as much as I say it is... and now i can say from the bottom of my heart . I have never felt like this... Yes.. I am despicable.. I may be a hypocrite.. but do not judge me.. I have reasons... Today... I know what I am feeling right now.. is very much true... I have never deplore a decision my entire life... I just wished I could break up with my ex 3 years prior to this day.. with that I would have been able to meet this wonderful guy that I am with and I f I did.. I would have been the happiest woman in the entire world. He is perfect a perfect mixture of a bad ass and and a kind one at that.. No guy has been able to outwit me, manipulate and control as much as he can.. and how long have I waited for someone to do that.... Moving forward.. I told him yesterday that I can no longer wait that long for him to be able to pull himself together... he accepted... he just said "txt mo ko whenever you need me. and I'll always be there for you.. call me when you need someone to talk to.. and I'll answer.. dito lng ako lagi para sa iyo" Before he left looking at me so tenderly, "Dad has continuously texted and called me asking me to go home.. i did not because you were with me, because I am happy when I am with you there are just things that has prevented me to do what I promised you but I did not forget... I still remain true to my word.. I just want you to wait a little bit longer and everything would be over soon" he stopped he sniffed then.. looked back at me again "mahal kitang sobra".. then kissed me... with just that.. i was completely drawn to him... and because of what happened last night.. he immediately agreed on coming along to Ilocos on February. He said that he would do everything to keep that promise...